Marshaie W.

Marshaie W.

by | Jul 26, 2023 | Community Stories


When I was pregnant, I was looking into the benefits of breastfeeding, researching the benefits of breastfeeding for baby and the benefits of breastfeeding for mom. And I thought, OK we’re going to do this thing!

In the beginning, it was tough. Luckily, friends warned me it might be a challenge or uncomfortable at first, but not to give up. So, I knew it wasn’t unusual.

We did run into some complications. He had a bad latch and he wasn’t getting enough milk at first, so I had to see a lactation consultant once a week for the first month to get the latching down and get my milk producing right. But after that, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I had to keep up with the pumping, I had to take care of myself, drinking water and eating right, and make sure I got enough sleep. So, my complications were more of the typical ones that can come with it.

The whole time, the ladies in my support group were there and said, “You got this! You can do it.” My original goal for breastfeeding was a year and now it’s been eighteen months.

I would say honestly at least give it a try. That’s the first step. It’s a level of commitment but it’s so beneficial that it’s worth it. And there are plenty of resources out there, like CenteringPregnancy groups where there’s support behind it. Give it a chance. And if you love it, you love it, and if not, just remember it’s still beneficial for mom and for baby, even if it’s for a shorter time.

The bonding of it is absolutely phenomenal. My son and I have such an amazing relationship and that bonding time is really beneficial. I feel like it’s helped him a lot. It’s also helped me a lot because breastfeeding releases the “happy hormones” when we’re there in that moment. It’s like nothing else matters when he’s happy and smiling, and maybe just looking at me, putting his fingers in my mouth, like everything is all OK.

Our breastfeeding group came about because we had a group of friends that were all pregnant at the same time. Two of us were roommates in college. We just started our group to keep in touch and to do this thing together, like “you’re my support.”

We’ve been bonded since then and it’s been an amazing support. We get to vent to each other, and we get to encourage each other. It’s relatable, it’s supportive, and I love it.

Other people try to be helpful but sometimes their comments come from a lack of education in the sense that some people don’t really know what the benefits of breastfeeding are and why I’m doing it. And honestly, they get discouraging at points. In those times, yes, I sometimes felt like giving up. Sometimes I was discouraged or stressed.

A myth I heard a lot from people was that when babies get teeth, they’re automatically just going to bite. That’s not true because of the way they latch on. It’s actually not even really possible for them to bite unless they move their tongue out of the way. I also heard that he was too big, or too old. But if your body is producing milk, you can breastfeed, if your baby wants to.

The whole time, the ladies in my support group were there and said, “You got this! You can do it.” My original goal for breastfeeding was a year and now it’s been eighteen months.

He’s never had anything more than a common cold. Never had an ear infection. Nothing respiratory.

He likes it. I like it. We’re good!

Even if you pump, breast milk is breast milk. Whether the baby is getting breast milk straight from mom or off the bottle — I encourage it either way. I think that honestly is a reason why there are lower rates for black moms breastfeeding, because it’s not encouraged. We don’t have the education that comes with it. People are throwing formula at us. It’s like, OK, is formula just like the natural option? Don’t breastfeed? It can sound like formula is an equal option because it’s common. I think people have good intentions, but they just don’t have the correct information all the time.

Now when I hear misinformation or odd comments, I just think, “That’s fine. This is my child. I know there are tons of positives for breastfeeding and I’ve seen them myself.” And I try to help other black moms try breastfeeding and encourage them.

My suggestions would be for every mom who can to give it a chance. There are plenty of resources and support groups out there who want you to succeed!

Jazzmine P.

Jazzmine P.

by | Jul 26, 2023 | Community Stories


Jazzmine P. has witnessed firsthand the impact Birthing Beautiful Communities (BBC) is having throughout Cleveland — first as a client, and now as one of their perinatal support professionals. BBC’s model improves health outcomes for both mother and baby by providing women with doulas to assist them throughout their pregnancy and their child’s first year of life. Since 2014, the organization has grown from serving a handful of women to more than 500 in Cuyahoga County. Here, Jazzmine talks about her experience on both sides of the program.

I have two daughters, an eight-year-old and a one-year-old. With both children, I went through the CenteringPregnancy program for my prenatal care. The founder of Birthing Beautiful Communities Communities, Christin Farmer, came to talk to my group and tell us about the program. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it sounded like something I needed.

With my second pregnancy, my daughter’s father wasn’t around at all. I was really struggling with feeling alone and stressed before I started going to the classes at BBC.

But once I started going, it was incredible just being around other women and realizing that I wasn’t the only one going through what I was going through. Even if the other women didn’t have the exact same background, I realized we were all dealing with something, and the support made it easier.

“The connections I made were so strong. I actually met one of my best friends, Mya, in the program — we talk all the time and it’s great because our kids are the same age.”

Prior to BBC I felt like I had isolated myself. I felt maybe I was ashamed about being pregnant; but the classes really helped me let that go.

The connections I made were so strong. I actually met one of my best friends, Mya, in the program — we talk all the time and it’s great because our kids are the same age.

The biggest benefit is that the staff helped me notice how stressed I was. I didn’t notice I was yelling for no reason. I didn’t realize that I was angry and sad. I thought the way I was feeling was normal. They helped me notice the way I was maneuvering wasn’t healthy for me or my unborn child.

After I recognized it, I was able to talk about it. At the time, I was a private person. I kept my problems, my emotions and my feelings to myself. Having a place where I didn’t feel judged, where someone wouldn’t look down on me, was a blessing.

Before working at BBC, I was working as a state tested nursing aide (STNA). One day, my doula called me and told me that I should apply to BBC. They knew I had taken the classes seriously and would be a good fit as a doula with them. It fell in my lap at the right time.

Because I was a client myself at BBC, I feel like I can empathize with our clients on a different level. I try to be there any way that I can for someone who I know really needs it. I know what it’s like to want to do something and not having the means to do it. I get a natural high off helping people.

Even though I had a doula myself, being on the other side has given me a different perspective and I can see how thankful our clients are for even the smallest gestures. It’s incredibly rewarding.

Nicole B.

by | Jul 26, 2023 | Community Stories


Nicole B. was ecstatic when she brought her son, D’Antoni, home from the hospital in January 2009. Nicole and her husband had three beautiful weeks with their newborn before he passed away in February, due to complications from surgery. Since then, Nicole has been vocal about her loss, giving talks to support groups and facilitating events. Here, she shares what she wants everyone to know about infant loss.

I’ve always tried to talk to my family members about their losses. People say it’s taboo to talk about it. But I’ve never shied away from it. I’ll ask them: “Do you need anything? How are you feeling? Let’s talk about it.” Those losses were personal because it was family, but I could still have distance with it. But, then it happened to me…

I had no issues at all in the pregnancy with D’Antoni. It was perfectly healthy. It wasn’t until he was born that I noticed he wasn’t eating properly. So, I told the nurses that I thought something was wrong. They kept pushing my concerns aside, not really taking me seriously. It was only when I told them that I was a nurse did they take any type of action. That’s what really upset me: what about these other black women who have less income, less education? They’re not going to be taken seriously either.

They finally did an X-ray and found out D’Antoni had a bowel obstruction. That is why I tell my patients this: “Speak up at all costs, especially when it comes to your child’s health. If one nurse doesn’t listen, you go to the next nurse, and then the next nurse.”

It is so sad because medical professionals tend to look over the African American population, as if we don’t know what we’re talking about. That stigma is there. You must get all these degrees for somebody to listen to you. A lot of family and friends did not know how to support me after my son died. They were there initially to hold and love on you, but after that, they all disappear — some friends, even family stopped talking to me. Looking back on this, I can understand why — all I talked about was my son. It can make people uncomfortable, but that was the only way I knew to process it.

In my experience, I tell them to say my son’s name. They believe they’ll upset me if they mention him, but the reality is the opposite. We want to hear our baby’s name. We want to remember him. We want to talk about our baby. My son’s name is D’Antoni. Use it. It took me a good three years after his death to feel strong enough to start advocating. That’s when I began giving talks and facilitating groups. I wanted to help people get through their grief because I know how heavy this road is.

I encourage everybody to get some kind of therapy. Again, a lot of black people think therapy is taboo, but it really helped me. I was one of the first attendees at the Cornerstone of Hope neonatal loss support group. They made a tremendous impact in our lives. They gave us the tools we needed to survive that period.

Now, it didn’t happen overnight. For me, it was a journey, but I still had those tools to refer to. I’ve never been medicated, but don’t shy away from that if that’s what you need. People don’t really understand grief. They think you should get over it. They always put a time limit on it. You have to get a hold on your grief, though, because grief can consume you if you let it. People say, “It’s been nine years, you’re still grieving over that?” Yes, I am. I didn’t bury a fish or dog, I buried my son.

As long as I live, I believe I’m going to always grieve. I love him.

Nancy K.

by | Jul 26, 2023 | Community Stories


Nancy K. and her boyfriend, Pete, decided to join the CenteringPregnancy program midway through their pregnancy with their first child. In the program, expectant parents meet twice a month for two-hour sessions to discuss all things related to pregnancy and childbirth with a midwife — and each other. Research has shown that the group model improves outcomes for both the mother and her baby. Here, Nancy shares her experience in the program.

I’m the last one of my friends to have kids, so I had a general idea of what pregnancy would be like; but, until you go through it yourself, you don’t understand it fully. Once my boyfriend Pete and I found out we were expecting, we were just taking it all in, trying to soak in everything.

I learned about the CenteringPregnancy program fairly early on. My midwife, Amy, mentioned it at one of my earlier appointments and asked if we were interested. We both figured, “Why not?” It was definitely comforting to have a small group — that was the biggest benefit. We only had five couples with us, so it was very close-knit. Nobody knew each other prior, but everyone was so nice and open. From the start, it felt very comforting and welcoming.

In the first part of the session, people just started making small talk. The midwives leading the sessions never made me feel pressured to talk. They offered open-ended questions, with reassurance on things I was feeling, that I didn’t even know I was feeling. It helped take the walls down, with any of us who were still getting comfortable with the program. Maybe surprisingly, all of our different opinions and personalities meshed well.

“It was so calming, so open. It is a very relaxed environment to go through the pregnancy and know if what you’re experiencing is normal.”

We had three ladies in our group who were due within a week of each other, and they were a little bit ahead of me. That was nice because I could see there was a light at the end of the tunnel with the things I was going through. They went through it first, and I could see eventually it subsides. Plus, you can bounce things off each other and know things you’re feeling are totally normal.

I felt really prepared for labor and ended up having a natural birth, like I planned. Of course, I didn’t know what contractions were going to feel like, but they taught us the different positions, the swaying, the walking, to help us get through them. They helped us understand that labor would be hard, but that everything happened in phases, that the hardest part — the contractions — eventually does stop. The more we talked about labor, the more it settled in and the more confident I felt.

I would say to anyone who’s thinking about Centering to go once and see how you feel about it. It gives you the best of both worlds — there’s private time with your midwife, and then there’s also group discussions that are really reassuring for this time in your life. It was so calming, so open. It is a very relaxed environment to go through the pregnancy and know if what you’re experiencing is normal.

My boyfriend came to all of the sessions. It opened up questions that we didn’t necessarily think about. It encouraged our communication and it helped us confirm exactly what we wanted at the birth. Centering really helped us go through the process together. The program helped decrease some of his feelings of helplessness because it gave him ideas of what to do and how to help. It helped us bond on a different level that maybe wouldn’t have happened if we had done traditional prenatal care.

Kate N.

Kate N.

by | Jul 26, 2023 | Community Stories


As the mother of a toddler, Kate N. remembers the sleepless nights of new motherhood very clearly and how desperate new parents are to get some rest. As project manager of Safe Sleep Heroes, it’s her job to teach those new parents — and anyone else caring for a small child — how to ensure everyone gets a safe night of sleep. Here, she shares the importance of the ABCDs of safe sleep:

I’m a well-resourced mom, but I had no idea until I started working with First Year Cleveland that if you follow the ABCDs of safe sleep — putting babies to bed Alone, on their Back, in a Crib and Don’t smoke — the likelihood of them not waking up is super slim. Safe sleep recommendations have changed drastically over the past 20 years, and that’s why we must be so vigilant about making the message widespread. We now know what parents did for their children a generation ago can increase infant mortality.

We lose 21 babies a year in Cleveland, a full kindergarten class, to preventable, sleep-related deaths. You don’t want your child to be one of those babies. We want to decrease those numbers to eventually make sure that happens zero times.

In our work, we have a few mothers and grandmothers who show up to events to tell their story of losing their children due to unsafe sleep practices. These were children that were otherwise healthy, no health complications. But they were put to sleep in ways that weren’t safe for them and the unthinkable happened — they suffocated. We’re very fortunate that these women are brave enough to make sure it doesn’t happen to other families.

With families, we walk a fine line between not telling people they were wrong, like we’re judging their parenting or that we’re assuming they don’t love their children. Parents want their babies to be safe and they want them to sleep well, so we must tell them why the ABCDs of safe sleep are so important. Most parents by and large want to do what’s best for their children; we just have to make it accessible.

We do hear a small amount of pushback to the new guidelines, particularly about having babies sleep alone in their crib. Some parents are very into attachment parenting, where they sleep in the same bed with the child for bonding purposes. And that’s well-intentioned, but there are so many things that need to go exactly right for it to be safe. When it’s 2 a.m., and you’re completely exhausted, can you guarantee you can do all of those things correctly?

When you know better, you do better. Now that you have new information, what are you going to do with it? Safe Sleep isn’t just a program for parents. It’s for any and everybody. Because at some point, you either know an infant or influence the way they go to sleep. We’re looking at behavior change and that usually takes five to seven years. Everybody invested in turning these numbers around is working on a much shorter time frame. We’re looking for a movement, not a moment.